Alright. So when I last left you, we were looking at candles and stuff and Michael's. You might wonder why I am doing a part 2. Why am I giving Michael's such preferential treatment? Well, the answer is Spooky Town.
Lemax's Spooky Town is the quintessential Halloween miniature set. Not only are their houses and sets of the utmost quality, they also light up and make noise.
No matter how many leaves, pumpkins, or cats appear in craft stores, it's not Halloween until Spooky Town goes up. Michael's makes sure to put up a top-quality display, and it's really the holy grail of early Halloweening.
This year's display is up and the only disappointment is that the prices seem to rise higher than the raw sewage levels in the Hudson.
One of the trends that has been popping up in recent years is the addition of ghostly rides for a haunted amusement park. If there is one thing I love as much as Halloween, it's theme parks. This year's addition is the Ghost Around, and it is awesome.
I particularly enjoy how each rider is in a different costume. That's the attention to detail that enables Lemax to charge such a steep price. If you paid attention to the picture above, you might be tempted to think that the Ghost Around was only $34.99. That doesn't sound too bad.
Au contraire, mon frère.
That's right, it's $134.99! Holy frijoles, Batman! Like I said, Michael's really values its merch.
Look, I don't have a poverty complex or anything, but I'm not taking out a second mortgage for some Halloween gear. Unfortunately, Spooky Town is a spectator sport for me. I'd love to play ball, but I can't afford the equipment.
As we continue, we see something truly spooky, looming over the horizon.
That's right. They want $79.99 for the Broken Skull Bar. I mean, the bar is cool and all, but 80 bucks? What the $&%**($(#)%*?!?!
They really have some cool pieces, and if I ever win the Powerball, I might just blow the entire winnings on a massive Spooky Town collection, complete with those cool styrofoam bases they have their town sitting on.
Below you can see what a trailer park looks like, decorated for the season. Apparently the grim reaper lives there (Don't Fear The Reaper), because he's riding his chopper there. Wait, the Reaper rides a chopper?
Behind them is what looks like a knock off of the Psycho house, and a pumpkin water tower.
Another cool feature of this year's collection is the skull hot air ballon. It travels around, circling a crypt. Looks like a fun ride.
Next to the Witches Bungalow is the Creepy Neighborhood House. I almost bought this one. It has a freaking birdhouse! Not only that, but I'm pretty sure that's a zombie on the front porch. Plus, I just like the name.
CREEPY NEIGHBORHOOD HOUSE
Seriously, what does this neighborhood look like? I want to see this neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure I left my dog at this place the last time we went to Florida.
I love outdoor light up decorations. I don't know why. I just do. There's just something so... soothing... about seeing these things cast an orange and purple glow through the darkest of nights.
Each year, Michael's has been stepping up their game in this department. It used to be that Halloween decorations were cardboard cutouts of witches and skeletons.
Then, one year, we started seeing Halloween lights. These early versions were really more like purple and orange Christmas lights, but hey, they were something new.
I remember my dad being morally offended that they would dare put Christmas lights up at Halloween. It was a perversion.
"But dad," I protested, "These aren't Christmas lights. They are Halloween lights!"
He just shook his head and muttered something about "those freaking liberals" and sauntered off.
Now, it seems like every house uses lighting to enhance their Halloween. There are lasers and strobes and projections, oh my.
Michael's keeps things pretty simple. They had some pumpkins, some trees, and a candelabra.
BUT...
They also had these cool neon signs. I should have gotten video, or at least made a GIF, because these things are cool. They buzz, flicker, and flash. I love them.
Behind the neon were the projectors. They went on a cycle to show what each one did. I got a pic of the last one, something called: Comet Spiral, but looks like the aurora borealis.
I also got the first one, which is basically ghosts floating past trees.
They also had way more of those paintable plaster heads than Jo-Ann did. I didn't see any sext torsos (see previous post), but they had skulls, Frankenstein's monster, and jack o' lanterns, in addition to a pretty cool cat.
Speaking of cats.....
Apparently, Michael's has decided to plunge head first into the burgeoning "Pet's Costume Market". Most of these so-cute-you-wanna-puke costumes look frightening and uncomfortable.
I believe their models agree with me.
Seriously. Have you ever seen a more uncomfortable-looking cat? How are you supposed to seriously consider purchasing these things with that poor pussy staring indignantly at you as if to say, "You. You are the problem. You made them do this to me. Go ahead, buy this. Create the demand that will subject hundreds of my other brethren to such a blasphemous lack of dignity."
I don't even know if this is a dress or a jester's bib:
Hidden away at the bottom, like a forgotten ugly shirt your aunt Carol gave you for your Bar Mitzvah and you buried in the bottom of your closet, was a small canine concession. If you've ever wanted a squid to swallow your Pomeranian (which sounds much dirtier than I intended), then here you go.
Speaking of swallowing, I guess these are candle holders. They're pretty cool, but I couldn't see any kind of chimney so I'm not sure if you're tea light smoke just seeps up between the jagged teeth, or what.
Maybe they are dishes for Pecan Pie M&M's (available at Walmart now!) (No, I don't get paid for the endorsement, though I should).
Soon, it was time to go. I had a lovely time at Michael's, but it was time to fade into the gloomy August afternoon. But Michael's wanted to remind me that it was all in good fun:
True that, Michael's, true that. . .
Thanks for being a beacon of festive light in the middle of the hateful summer. Let the candy corn roll because fall is here!!!
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