Halloween Haunting 3 - MICHAEL'S Part B featuring Spooky Town by Lemax

Alright. So when I last left you, we were looking at candles and stuff and Michael's. You might wonder why I am doing a part 2. Why am I giving Michael's such preferential treatment? Well, the answer is Spooky Town.

Lemax's Spooky Town is the quintessential Halloween miniature set. Not only are their houses and sets of the utmost quality, they also light up and make noise. 

No matter how many leaves, pumpkins, or cats appear in craft stores, it's not Halloween until Spooky Town goes up. Michael's makes sure to put up a top-quality display, and it's really the holy grail of early Halloweening.

This year's display is up and the only disappointment is that the prices seem to rise higher than the raw sewage levels in the Hudson.

One of the trends that has been popping up in recent years is the addition of ghostly rides for a haunted amusement park. If there is one thing I love as much as Halloween, it's theme parks. This year's addition is the Ghost Around, and it is awesome.

I particularly enjoy how each rider is in a different costume. That's the attention to detail that enables Lemax to charge such a steep price. If you paid attention to the picture above, you might be tempted to think that the Ghost Around was only $34.99. That doesn't sound too bad.

Au contraire, mon frère. 

That's right, it's $134.99! Holy frijoles, Batman! Like I said, Michael's really values its merch. 

Look, I don't have a poverty complex or anything, but I'm not taking out a second mortgage for some Halloween gear. Unfortunately, Spooky Town is a spectator sport for me. I'd love to play ball, but I can't afford the equipment.

As we continue, we see something truly spooky, looming over the horizon.

That's right. They want $79.99 for the Broken Skull Bar. I mean, the bar is cool and all, but 80 bucks? What the $&%**($(#)%*?!?!

They really have some cool pieces, and if I ever win the Powerball, I might just blow the entire winnings on a massive Spooky Town collection, complete with those cool styrofoam bases they have their town sitting on.

Below you can see what a trailer park looks like, decorated for the season. Apparently the grim reaper lives there (Don't Fear The Reaper), because he's riding his chopper there. Wait, the Reaper rides a chopper?

Behind them is what looks like a knock off of the Psycho house, and a pumpkin water tower.

Another cool feature of this year's collection is the skull hot air ballon. It travels around, circling a crypt. Looks like a fun ride.

Next to the Witches Bungalow is the Creepy Neighborhood House. I almost bought this one. It has a freaking birdhouse! Not only that, but I'm pretty sure that's a zombie on the front porch. Plus, I just like the name. 

CREEPY NEIGHBORHOOD HOUSE

Seriously, what does this neighborhood look like? I want to see this neighborhood.

I'm pretty sure I left my dog at this place the last time we went to Florida.

 So Spooky Town is a winner this year. There are lots more figures and accessories, but I didn't take any pics of those because I was too excited about the light up decorations.

I love outdoor light up decorations. I don't know why. I just do. There's just something so... soothing... about seeing these things cast an orange and purple glow through the darkest of nights. 

Each year, Michael's has been stepping up their game in this department. It used to be that Halloween decorations were cardboard cutouts of witches and skeletons.

Then, one year, we started seeing Halloween lights. These early versions were really more like purple and orange Christmas lights, but hey, they were something new. 

I remember my dad being morally offended that they would dare put Christmas lights up at Halloween. It was a perversion. 

"But dad," I protested, "These aren't Christmas lights. They are Halloween lights!"

He just shook his head and muttered something about "those freaking liberals" and sauntered off.

Now, it seems like every house uses lighting to enhance their Halloween. There are lasers and strobes and projections, oh my.

Michael's keeps things pretty simple. They had some pumpkins, some trees, and a candelabra. 

BUT...

They also had these cool neon signs.  I should have gotten video, or at least made a GIF, because these things are cool. They buzz, flicker, and flash. I love them.

 Behind the neon were the projectors. They went on a cycle to show what each one did. I got a pic of the last one, something called: Comet Spiral, but looks like the aurora borealis.

I also got the first one, which is basically ghosts floating past trees.

They also had way more of those paintable plaster heads than Jo-Ann did. I didn't see any sext torsos (see previous post), but they had skulls, Frankenstein's monster, and jack o' lanterns, in addition to a pretty cool cat.

Speaking of cats.....

Apparently, Michael's has decided to plunge head first into the burgeoning "Pet's Costume Market". Most of these so-cute-you-wanna-puke costumes look frightening and uncomfortable.

I believe their models agree with me.

Seriously. Have you ever seen a more uncomfortable-looking cat? How are you supposed to seriously consider purchasing these things with that poor pussy staring indignantly at you as if to say, "You. You are the problem. You made them do this to me. Go ahead, buy this. Create the demand that will subject hundreds of my other brethren to such a blasphemous lack of dignity."

I don't even know if this is a dress or a jester's bib:

Hidden away at the bottom, like a forgotten ugly shirt your aunt Carol gave you for your Bar Mitzvah and you buried in the bottom of your closet, was a small canine concession. If you've ever wanted a squid to swallow your Pomeranian (which sounds much dirtier than I intended), then here you go.

Speaking of swallowing, I guess these are candle holders. They're pretty cool, but I couldn't see any kind of chimney so I'm not sure if you're tea light smoke just seeps up between the jagged teeth, or what.

Maybe they are dishes for Pecan Pie M&M's (available at Walmart now!) (No, I don't get paid for the endorsement, though I should).

Soon, it was time to go. I had a lovely time at Michael's, but it was time to fade into the gloomy August afternoon. But Michael's wanted to remind me that it was all in good fun:

True that, Michael's, true that. . .

Thanks for being a beacon of festive light in the middle of the hateful summer. Let the candy corn roll because fall is here!!!

Halloween Haunting 3 - MICHAEL'S Part A

And now we get to the granddaddy of early pumpkin sightings; the Spirited Samhain King, the undisputed heavy-weight champion of July trick or treating. That's right, I'm talking about the venerable Halloween hero: Michael's

Shortly after July 4 (by shortly, I actually mean July 5), I go on the prowl. Michael's never disappoints. In most of the country, it may be 101 and freaking asphalt is melting into the soles of your shoes, but in this wonderful land that smells of silk flowers and a heavenly mixture of candles and essential oils, the chilling breezes of October flit and flirt with the hairs on the back of your neck.

It usually only begins with a row of orange and red leaves and maybe a pumpkin or two. But as July creeps forward, other... things.... begin to invade.

Now it's August, and in Michael's, it's already the eve of All Hallows.

The sign on the table may say "Back to School", but in the distance, I can hear the creaks and groans of Spooky Town.

Now the first aisle is fairly innocuous. I think that's because they don't want to scare all the unsuspecting housewives and grannies who are under the foolish impression that it's still summer out there. 

"Oh, look, Agnes, cute little fall pumpkins!"

"Yes, Joyce, those would look fabulous on the entry hutch!"

Then they turn the corner and, 

"GAH! Halloween! It's much too early, Agnes!"

"I couldn't agree more, Joyce! It comes earlier every year! Can't they enjoy one season at a time? Heavens to Betsy!"

Yes, I know that conversation takes place literally millions of times, in Michael's all over the country. But we're not like that, are we friends? No, we are blessing the harvest and sharpening the carving knife because we know that if we don't demand Halloween in July, then Christmas will butt its green and red head in before we can say, "Great Pumpkin"!

In fact, there was already some peaking through the haunted house window...

But let's not let the negativity seep in. I agree with those ladies, one holiday at a time, please. We're not here to talk about Ol' Saint Nick. We're here to talk about autumn string lights. See?

Now I like the idea of a glass dome over leaves and lights as much as the next ghoul, but $14.99? That seems a bit excessive, doesn't it? Michael's has a great selection, but the executive staff seem to be under the mistaken assumption that the majority of its customers are Bill Gates. 

Seriously.

Just wait until you get a load of those Spooky Town prices...

So like I said, the first row or two is mainly cutesy fall stuff like scarecrows, foliage, and miniature pumpkin fairy houses.

 But you turn the corner and... jackpot, baby! It's this year's first sighting of fake spider webs, rubber chains, and severed limbs. SCORE!

There was even a stack of plastic cauldrons.

I also spotted a new product. This may have been out last year, but I don't remember seeing it.

What the hay?

No, seriously. I've never heard of orange and black Halloween hay. What do you do with it?

Oh. Baskets, displays, crafts, and costumes? Hmmm. Sounds versatile. I better pick some up.

Across the aisle was something else I hadn't seen before. New this year are Halloween shadow boxes.

 They had these haunted houses, but they also had pumpkins and a few other types. 

Someone had put up a nifty poster, explaining how to use them.

So, basically, you take this hollowed out pumpkin, or house, or whatever, and then you make a diorama, kind of like those sugar eggs you get at Easter. 

Cool!

I had heard of these from the Dinosaur Dracula message boards. But now I have seen them and let me tell you, they are awesome! They have little houses and trees and places that all light up with small LED lights and are powered by watch batteries.

You can make just about any scene.

Then you populate them with mini figs, to add some character, (see what I did there?)

 

I'm definitely going to make one of these, this year. Every piece costs roughly the same amount as the gross domestic product of the country of Moldova, but I somehow feel it is worth it for complete indulgence and holiday cheer.

Past our chains and spider webs, we get to some more spooky props. We have crime scene tape, gell bloody hand prints and splatters, and changing photos.

I've always enjoyed seeing those photos in the stores, but for some reason, I never have wanted to own one. Maybe I'm scared that I'll get up to pee in the middle of the night some night and something will reach out of the frame. They kinda freak me out, especially the one with the scary little babies. 

 

 Michael's affectionately refers to this aisle as the "Boneyard" *

And we are still not done. You think we are, but we aren't. Because now we have carvable pumpkins, and candles. That's right, you can carve your fake pumpkin, and then fool people into thinking it's real with a pumpkin scented candle.

One of the first candles that I stumbled upon was Matt from DinoDrac's favorite new candle this year: Pumpkin Spiced Chai.

Holy Toledo, is this candle swell! I've had this sucker burning since early July, when it was on sale for $3.99. Now it's closer to 5 bucks (or 4 for $10), and if you've ever been to Yankee Candle, you'll know that's a Hades of a bargain.

I'm burning this thing right now, and listening to Halloween Party Radio on Pandora, and let me tell you, it's full-on October in here.

 Alright. It's finally time to head on over to Spooky Town. I think I'm going to end this post here and do a part two. There's just too much to cover and I'm afraid of getting reader burnout. We will end this here and have the second part up soon. In the meantime, happy haunting!

* No one calls it that.