So, I fully understand that some of you nuts out there think these cookies taste like silly putty mixed with playdough. I also stand by the assertion that if you think this, you are nuts.
These are the quintessential store-bougbt Halloween cookies. They are simple, festive, and delicious. I look forward to them every year.
What's not to love about perfect pegs of dough painted with pumpkins?
Just plop the dough onto your cookie sheet and while you wait for them to plump and brown, you can cut out the mask on the back and scare your dogs with it.
These things were made for Halloween. They are insanely addictive. You can't help but eat the entire batch.
And you'd better. Because if they sit for longer than one night, you could use them for hockey - which isn't really a Halloween sport unless you're Canadian.
Anyway, come on over. I'll pour some milk or apple cider and we can sit on the back porch and chow down.
Hello Boils and Ghouls. It's time to unpack that perennial favorite - that creepy cool king of Halloween - The Monster Mash.
Arguably the most popular song for Halloween howling, The Monster Mash is the one track that you can expect to appear on every All Hallow's party playlist. In fact, that venerable ghoul, Dr. Demento, called it "The biggest Halloween song of all time."
Catchy, fun, and instantly likable with a 1960's vibe, The Mash fires on all cylinders, and nothing can get you in the spooky mood faster than the opening creek of the castle door, the bubbling cauldron, the rattling chains, and those echoing footsteps...
The song was written in 1962 by Robert George Pickett, also known as Bobby "Boris" Pickett.
Bobby got the nickname "Boris" because of his spot-on Boris Karloff impersonation. During the day he was an actor and at night he sang with a Do-Wop group known as:
One night, Bobby was joking around, and did a Karloff impersonation while performing with the band. One of his band mates, Lenny Capizzi, thought it was awesome and encouraged him to do more. In fact, ol' Bob (as he liked to be called*), did an entire monologue in the Karloff voice.
This led to Pickett and Capizzi to sit down and within about 30 minutes they had written the song.
The narrative is one of a mad scientist who brings a Frankenstein monster to life on a stormy night. When the monster gets off the slab, he does a dance, which becomes a "monster" hit across the country. Soon other monsters come to a party where Dracula laments the demise of his "Transylvania Twist"*.
The song was recorded with a who's who of seasoned professional musicians, and dubbed them: The Crypt-Kicker Five.
Here are the lyrics, in case you missed them:
I was working in the lab late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab began to rise And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash He did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash He did the mash It caught on in a flash He did the mash He did the monster mash
From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash They did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They did the mash It caught on in a flash They did the mash They did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolf Man Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds The coffin-bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"
They played the mash They played the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They played the mash It caught on in a flash They played the mash They played the monster mash
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing He opened the lid and shook his fist And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist"
It's now the mash It's now the monster mash The monster mash And it's a graveyard smash It's now the mash It's caught on in a flash It's now the mash It's now the monster mash
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you, the living, this mash was meant too When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash Then you can monster mash The monster mash And do my graveyard smash Then you can mash You'll catch on in a flash Then you can mash Then you can monster mash
The effects were done on the cheap. The castle door creaking was a nail in a board, the cauldron and scientific equipment was blowing through a straw into a glass of water, and the chains were ordinary dog leashes, rattled and tossed about.
The song was immediately successful and cracked the top ten in December of 1962. Bobby was thrilled with the results, but was surprised when there was a revival of the tunes in the 70's. The song hit the Billboard charts again in 1970 and 1973. In fact, Pickett is the only performer whose original recording hit the top 100 three separate times.
To show you how much times have changed, the song was banned in Great Britain in 1962, for being too morbid...
BTW, did you know that Pickett's original backup band was a group of young unknown guys called: "The Beach Boys"?
There are lots of other interesting facts about Pickett and the song. The truth is out there... if you look for it.
Pickett kept performing the song live and fully embraced it until his death from leukemia in 2007. Here is a video of one of the live performances. It's really great to see him on stage with the "Ghoul of Cool", Zacherley. We'll talk more about him on another post.
Zacherley is a late-night talk show host, who made his own albums and was featured by Rob Zombie on his Halloween Hootenanny album. He recorded a ton of horror songs and is a must for any fear aficionado.
It was so successful that it spawned two sequels: Monster Holiday and Monster Rap. Neither could reach the success of the Mash.
In the end, the song has become a staple of spookiness. Various books have illustrated its story and there even was a movie made, starring Pickett. It says it was written by the co-writers of Toy Story.
It has Candace Cameron as one of the main stars. In fact, I demand you watch it, right now:
The Monster Mash has been covered by over 100 groups. Here is a small sampling...
First up, is a Metallica rip-off, heavy metal Monster Mash version:
Next we have the delightfully punky version as recorded by The Misfits:
Here is a folksy acoustic version that I kinda dig:
Last, but definitely not least, is one of my favorites. We have the Master of Horror, Vincent Price, serenading some ghouls:
So there you have it. Everything you never wanted to know about The Monster Mash. Go get the album and rock it, hard!
*nobody ever called him that, to my knowledge. ** which was also Pickett, doing his best Lugosi impersonation.
Some days start off rough and tumbly and then you walk into your favorite store and find something new and suddenly, everything seems right and good in the world.
Such is the case, today...
Introducing M&M's Cookies and Screeem!
Now, I know these are all over the web, but they aren't out at most stores. They were out at my local Target, so I felt the need to review them.
First, why is it that I never realized that it's not M&Ms, rather it is M&M's? I never noticed the apostrophe. I did not realize that M&M's were possessive. Now you could call me a bad consumer, and I certainly wouldn't with you on that note. But I have to ask, how many of you noticed the apostrophe?
It turns out that Forrest Mars (of Mars bars fame) made a plan with William Murrie, the then president of a little company called Hershey. He wanted to make a candy-coated chocolate and needed Hershey's to provide the goods. Thus, M&M's stands for Mars and Murrie's. The exact title is M&M's chocolate candies.
Why didn't they use Mars' own recipe for chocolate? Simple. He didn't have one. He was inspired by a British candy called Smarties that are candy coated chocolate discs.
But what about these M&M's?
Right away, you know you are getting something special. The moment you open the bag, your nose screams OREOS!
No, these aren't Oreo flavored, they are cookie and cream. But, everyone knows that cookies and cream means Oreo. Nobody looks at a gallon of cookies and cream ice cream and thinks, "Hey, this must be Hydrox* flavored.
The candies that come out of the bag look kind of like old malted milk balls that might have been sucked on a bit. They almost resemble moldy chocolates.
Once you bite into them, they are nice mixture of candy shell, a dark chocolate layer, and then the creme from the cookies. The taste is generic cookies and cream, but there is something compelling about them. Let's just say that my bag is currently half-full**.
The flavor is yummy. The smell is divine. And this is a fabulous new addition to Halloween 2017.
*You can find out all about Hydrox, here. **What can I say, I'm an optimist.
Well, Halloween is now in full swing. I know it's only the end of August, but go into any store and you'll begin to see orange and black beginning to seep in. In fact, some leaves are already starting to shed their summer outfits for something a little more comfortable, in my neck of the woods. Add to that the fact that Matt from DinosaurDracula will taking his annual Halloween countdown live this Saturday, and you've got a season on the cusp of full bloom.
It's time to really begin working on your Halloween playlist, not just for a night of spooking wary trick or treaters, but for your amazingly spooktacular party. You are having a Halloween party, right?
So far, we've given you a decent primer. Now let's add some paint.
The first song to really enlighten me about the world of monster music beyond the Purple People Eater, The Mash, and Werewolves of London, was Burt Convy's The Monster Hop.
I first discovered this song on the Monster Bop compilation.
This album deserves its own seperateblog. I plan on posting that later this week, but today, I want to talk specifically about Convy's main contribution to this fine collection. The Monster Hop is a wonderfully spooky ultrasonic treat. I still remember the first time I heard the bass line. It was deliciously late 50's in tone. My ears perked up. What was this? It was something new. Up until this point, I thought I knew most of the standard Samhain song selection, but with the first trills of brass and those ghostly, "ooohhhh"'s, my whole world was about to explode with new monstrous goodies. Take a listen:
As you can hear, it is a marvelous song for Halloween. Here are the lyrics, in case you missed them:
I heard strange noises coming from a house on the hill
So I crept up to the window and looked over the sill
My heart almost stopped, I nearly died of fright
By the dim candlelight I saw the strangest sight
There was Frankenstein and Dracula and Wolfman too
Dancin' with some zombies, what a ghastly crew
The ol' ugly vampire was doing the bop
And everything was rocking at the monster's hop
The bats were flying and the room was full
The crazy witch doctor was dancing with a ghoul
The organ was playing, but no-one was there
And the headless horseman was combing his hair
There was Frankenstein and Dracula and Wolfman too
Dancin' with some zombies, what a ghastly crew
The ol' ugly vampire was doing the bop
And everything was rocking at the monster's hop
I can't forget that empty house upon the hill
The night has fall, the monsters dance and oh what a thrill
The wind did howl, the night was black
I nearly lost my mind, I'm never ever going back
There was Frankenstein and Dracula and Wolfman too
Dancin' with some zombies, what a ghastly crew
The ol' ugly vampire was doing the bop
And everything was rocking at the monster's hop
Are your spide senses tingling? What a Halloweeny song, right? I loved the callback to just about every classic monster that Burt could envoke.
The song was recorded in 1958, at the height of the monster craze. Burt started as a minor league baseball player, but left the game and pursued music after just two seasons.
He joined a 50's rock n roll group called The Cheers, and in 1955 they had a top ten hit called Black Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots.
The band broke up in '57 and Convy recorded The Monster Hop in 1958 for Contender Records. He also recorded another creepy track known as Gorilla.
Around this time, he also caught the attention of Roger Corman, who cast him in his cult classic, A Bucket of Blood, forever cementing him as a favorite with the horror community.
Burt went on to become a fairly familiar television host for such shows as Super Password, and Tattletales. He even formed a production company with Burt Reynolds called, Burt and Bert Productions. Their first production was Win, Lose, or Draw, which Bert (Convey, not Reynolds) hosted.
Sadly, Convy died in 1991, from an aggressive brain tumor.
So, that's way more information than most of you probably wanted to know about a 2:29 second blip on your playlist. But add it to your playlist, you should. (said Yoda). It is a marvelous song, perfect for All Hallow's Eve and beyond, and a quintessential piece of 50's monster music. Alright, enough of this nonsense. Tune in next time as we explore the wonders of the entire Monster Bop album.
A bizarrely named convenience store might be the last place you'd expect to find Halloween goodness on the 17th of August, but if you should learn anything in this crazy world we live in, it is not to judge based upon appearances. I walked in today, completely unsuspecting of the tresaures that I'd find. In fact, I just wanted a beverage. But when I meandered over to ye ol' candy aisle, I was struck with spooky spectacles!
Now, at first glance of this picture, you may be thinking, "Yeah? So, what?!?" Look closer.
We have all kinds of goodies, here. We have Resse's pumpkins, Hershey's Candy Corn Bars, and Cauldron Skittles.
The Cauldron Skittles were interesting, but I wish they'd done more with the bag than put a cauldron at the bottom that looked like it had been appropriated for a LGBQT parade. They tried to give some spooky flavors like Petrified Pear and Gripping Grape, but this was kind of a half-hearted attempt, if you ask me. Where are the bats? The cats? The skulls? The pumpkins?
The M&M's Ghoul's Mix was better. Not only did we get a cool mummy Peanut M&M guy, but I'm digging the colors of the candy, itself. Very Halloweeny.
Next, we move on to the spooky KitKat collection. There are four spooky bar designs, hidden in bat-encrusted, season-appropriate packages. I approve. In fact, I bought one of the bars. I haven't opened it, yet, but when I do, I will post a pic in the comments. I know, what kind of fiend toys with you by purchasing a decorated Halloween candy and then not having the decency to even open the package and post the appropriate pic? Well, one who has overdosed on extremely sweet new candy, which I will show you below, thank you, very much.
Butterfinger brought back their peanut butter skull Cups. I love these things, but I was on a hunt, today.
And low and behold! There, stacked between the underwhelming cauldron Skittles and some groovy Frankenstein Bubble Tape, was the first Holy Grail of the year, this year's most celebrated new treat, ladies and gentlemen I give you: The Oreo Halloween Egg. *
Recently, holidays and eggs have gone together like toast and bacon. No longer just satisfied with Easter, Cadbury has decided that every holiday needs a creme egg. I wouldn't be surprised if soon they have an Arbor Day creme egg that you can plant and have a small tree sprout.
Not to be undone, Oreo has created a Halloween Egg. This one is smaller than your average Creme Egg, as you can see in the picture, below.
Obviously, I had to have it. I couldn't very well leave without having one of these eggs in my possession. I snagged it and went straight to my tasting laboratory (a.k.a. my car). The first thing I noticed was the nifty little Dracula that overlooked the logo, like a protective vampire mother, watching over her little baby (or egg, in this case).
There are actually three different packages. The other two are a pumpkin and ghost. **
They all look fun. I grabbed the vampire by random, but will go back and get the other two before they are all snagged.
The description promised Creme filled candy with cookie pieces!
Oodelally! That's right up my alley. I eager unwrapped it, and was... confused. It looked like "chocolate". But the package didn't call it "chocolate". The package called it "candy". What was this sorcery?!?
Tentatively, I took a bite. Nope, not exactly chocolate - at least quality chocolate. I'm not here to slander, but there was something decidedly caroby about the texture and taste.
One of my first impressions was: SWEET! I don't mean sweet as in the 80's term of endearment concerning something totally righteous. I mean sweet as in diabetes. This thing has sugar and you can feel it attacking your pancreas with every single caroby*** bite. The creme was classic cookies n cream and there was a satisfying thickness to the thing. I wasn't disappointed in the bite that I took, but I wasn't sure I could take another. This thing is not something I will eat in one setting. So, yes, I recommend the egg. It tasted good, enough. It wasn't amazing, and certainly isn't better than the classic Cadbury creme egg, but it's worth picking one up, if you see one out and about. On my way out, I saw something that made my heart happy:
If you understand why this appealed to the Hallow-trickster in me, then we can be friends.
* which I will affectionately refer to as Boooreo!
** I didn't realize this when I grabbed my little Dracula****. I was in a hurry and just picked one.
*** Any claims that the shell is carob is completely unsubstantiated.
Alright. So when I last left you, we were looking at candles and stuff and Michael's. You might wonder why I am doing a part 2. Why am I giving Michael's such preferential treatment? Well, the answer is Spooky Town.
Lemax's Spooky Town is the quintessential Halloween miniature set. Not only are their houses and sets of the utmost quality, they also light up and make noise.
No matter how many leaves, pumpkins, or cats appear in craft stores, it's not Halloween until Spooky Town goes up. Michael's makes sure to put up a top-quality display, and it's really the holy grail of early Halloweening.
This year's display is up and the only disappointment is that the prices seem to rise higher than the raw sewage levels in the Hudson.
One of the trends that has been popping up in recent years is the addition of ghostly rides for a haunted amusement park. If there is one thing I love as much as Halloween, it's theme parks. This year's addition is the Ghost Around, and it is awesome.
I particularly enjoy how each rider is in a different costume. That's the attention to detail that enables Lemax to charge such a steep price. If you paid attention to the picture above, you might be tempted to think that the Ghost Around was only $34.99. That doesn't sound too bad. Au contraire, mon frère.
That's right, it's $134.99! Holy frijoles, Batman! Like I said, Michael's really values its merch. Look, I don't have a poverty complex or anything, but I'm not taking out a second mortgage for some Halloween gear. Unfortunately, Spooky Town is a spectator sport for me. I'd love to play ball, but I can't afford the equipment. As we continue, we see something truly spooky, looming over the horizon.
That's right. They want $79.99 for the Broken Skull Bar. I mean, the bar is cool and all, but 80 bucks? What the $&%**($(#)%*?!?! They really have some cool pieces, and if I ever win the Powerball, I might just blow the entire winnings on a massive Spooky Town collection, complete with those cool styrofoam bases they have their town sitting on. Below you can see what a trailer park looks like, decorated for the season. Apparently the grim reaper lives there (Don't Fear The Reaper), because he's riding his chopper there. Wait, the Reaper rides a chopper? Behind them is what looks like a knock off of the Psycho house, and a pumpkin water tower.
Another cool feature of this year's collection is the skull hot air ballon. It travels around, circling a crypt. Looks like a fun ride.
Next to the Witches Bungalow is the Creepy Neighborhood House. I almost bought this one. It has a freaking birdhouse! Not only that, but I'm pretty sure that's a zombie on the front porch. Plus, I just like the name. CREEPY NEIGHBORHOOD HOUSE Seriously, what does this neighborhood look like? I want to see this neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure I left my dog at this place the last time we went to Florida.
So Spooky Town is a winner this year. There are lots more figures and accessories, but I didn't take any pics of those because I was too excited about the light up decorations. I love outdoor light up decorations. I don't know why. I just do. There's just something so... soothing... about seeing these things cast an orange and purple glow through the darkest of nights. Each year, Michael's has been stepping up their game in this department. It used to be that Halloween decorations were cardboard cutouts of witches and skeletons.
Then, one year, we started seeing Halloween lights. These early versions were really more like purple and orange Christmas lights, but hey, they were something new. I remember my dad being morally offended that they would dare put Christmas lights up at Halloween. It was a perversion. "But dad," I protested, "These aren't Christmas lights. They are Halloween lights!" He just shook his head and muttered something about "those freaking liberals" and sauntered off. Now, it seems like every house uses lighting to enhance their Halloween. There are lasers and strobes and projections, oh my. Michael's keeps things pretty simple. They had some pumpkins, some trees, and a candelabra.
BUT...
They also had these cool neon signs. I should have gotten video, or at least made a GIF, because these things are cool. They buzz, flicker, and flash. I love them.
Behind the neon were the projectors. They went on a cycle to show what each one did. I got a pic of the last one, something called: Comet Spiral, but looks like the aurora borealis. I also got the first one, which is basically ghosts floating past trees.
They also had way more of those paintable plaster heads than Jo-Ann did. I didn't see any sext torsos (see previous post), but they had skulls, Frankenstein's monster, and jack o' lanterns, in addition to a pretty cool cat.
Speaking of cats.....
Apparently, Michael's has decided to plunge head first into the burgeoning "Pet's Costume Market". Most of these so-cute-you-wanna-puke costumes look frightening and uncomfortable. I believe their models agree with me.
Seriously. Have you ever seen a more uncomfortable-looking cat? How are you supposed to seriously consider purchasing these things with that poor pussy staring indignantly at you as if to say, "You. You are the problem. You made them do this to me. Go ahead, buy this. Create the demand that will subject hundreds of my other brethren to such a blasphemous lack of dignity."
I don't even know if this is a dress or a jester's bib:
Hidden away at the bottom, like a forgotten ugly shirt your aunt Carol gave you for your Bar Mitzvah and you buried in the bottom of your closet, was a small canine concession. If you've ever wanted a squid to swallow your Pomeranian (which sounds much dirtier than I intended), then here you go.
Speaking of swallowing, I guess these are candle holders. They're pretty cool, but I couldn't see any kind of chimney so I'm not sure if you're tea light smoke just seeps up between the jagged teeth, or what. Maybe they are dishes for Pecan Pie M&M's (available at Walmart now!) (No, I don't get paid for the endorsement, though I should).
Soon, it was time to go. I had a lovely time at Michael's, but it was time to fade into the gloomy August afternoon. But Michael's wanted to remind me that it was all in good fun:
True that, Michael's, true that. . . Thanks for being a beacon of festive light in the middle of the hateful summer. Let the candy corn roll because fall is here!!!
